Getting Axe’d

The unthinkable happened on this vacation: I forgot my deodorant.  But that’s not the worst part.  The worst part is I had to use my husband’s; and my husband, though he’s well over the age of their target demographic, wears Axe deoderant.  Yes, the same Axe that is marketed to frisky male teenagers convinced that the mere scent of their personal hygiene products will cause strangers en masse to throw themselves at them, helpless to fight their desire for the boy-man wearing the apparently fabulous smelling deoderant.

I feel so weird.  It doesn’t help that I’m a little bit too attached to my own deodorant (when I found out it had been discontinued, I bought a zillion of them off Amazon).  But my deodorant is made for adults, so far as I can tell.  And beyond my own attachment issues, I have this problem where every now and then the scent of the deoderant wafts up, smelling all male and musky, and really throws me off.  I’m half waiting for a bunch of teenaged girls, or animals, to start following me.

I’m all for unisex personal hygiene items.  I bought CK One, the first unisex cologne as soon as it came out sometime in the 90s.  I’ll even wear colognes intended for men sometimes, because I like androgyny of products, and I love the masculine/feminine mix even in clothing.  But I guess when it comes to my underarms, I really want to feel like a woman.

Because women, despite their interest in looking youthful, don’t secretly wish to be teenagers again (do we?  I think I’d settle for being mistaken for a few years younger than I actually am).   I don’t have fantasies of being back in high school, with a bunch of seventeen year olds desperately wanting to make out with me in an elevator (do they still have that commercial for Axe?  I try not to watch commercials anymore, particularly those geared toward teenaged guys, so I don’t even know what they’re using to sell Axe these days.    But in the good old days, that’s exactly what they used.)

Wait, I just did some research into the Axe line of products, and its website assures me that nothing has changed in the intervening years.  Check this out under the Q and A section of their site:

Q: What exactly is the “Axe Effect”?

A: “The Axe effect is the internationally recognized name for the increased attention Axe-wearing males receive from eager, and attractive female pursuers.  Regardless of where you live, you can get the Axe effect by going to a store near you and purchasing one of our products.”

Yikes.  And in case you weren’t quite getting the hint, there is a back-lit Charlie’s Angels style photo of various “hot girls” with the caption “Ready to keep up?”  Prepare yourself for these gems: “Be it a competitive Sporty Girl, a tireless Party Girl, or a High Maintenance Girl, the hottest girls are the most demanding.  So recharge with the AXE shower gels. . . ”

Oy.  No wonder I was feeling out of my element.  I’m feeling grossed out by my anti-persperent as well as its worldview.

I’ll try to take a lesson from this and never leave home without my own deoderant again.  For if I do, I have seen the repercussions, and I, for one, don’t like them.  Meanwhile, I think my husband might need a new deoderant.  I must be one of those High Maintenance Girls- or what happens when one grows up, anyway.

2 comments

  • Hahaha, i love this post!! I hope you survived your Axe-wearing week and remained teenage groupie free!

    • Alexandra

      Thank you, Callie!! I survived (barely) and have been whispering sweet nothings to my own deoderant ever since we got home. 😉